It’s a three for Thursday…on Friday!© That’s where I take one premise and stretch it out over three different jokes because I have no sense of self and can’t decide which I like best. Enjoy!
A burglar in Washington was caught after police realized that he used the store’s computer to log onto his mySpace account. As of writing, his best friend Tom has yet to post bail.
A burglar in Washington was caught after police realized that he used the store’s computer to log onto his mySpace account. The clue that ultimately tipped them off? “Robbing Stores” was in his Top 8.
A burglar in Washington was caught after police realized that he used the store’s computer to log onto his mySpace account. They had no problem tracking him down because he’s the only person who still has a mySpace account.
At 85, TV’s Davy Crockett, Fess Parker passed away today. His eulogy will be sung by The Wellingtons over the course of six verses.
Lawmakers are considering making it legal for individuals to maintain hives to raise honeybees. This was previously made illegal because honeybees are notorious for illegally subletting.
A new form of terrorist-thwarting technology has been introduced at Chicago’s O’Hare Airport in the form of it’s brand new “body scanner.” His name is Reggie.
Sony and Samsung have outlined plans to release 3D televisions in coming months, so everybody get ready for NBC’s newest hit reality show “Throwing Stuff at Cameras!”
Sony and Samsung have outlined plans to release 3D televisions in coming months. Here’s hoping that the new format is supported by the porn industry.
Sony and Samsung have outlined plans to release 3D televisions in coming months. Unfortunately you have to pay extra in order to turn off the 3D during “The View.”
A poltical scandal has come to light as details surrounding possible efforts to cover up a domestic abuse within New York Governor Patterson’s staff have been exposed. There is concern that Patterson was attempting to prevent charges from being filed when he spoke with the victim and asked if “there was anything she needed.” If he said this as seductively as I imagine and the domestic abuse victim was Princess Leia then it looks like the New York Times may just be publishing the contents of my hard drive’s document folder.
With Patrick Kennedy’s announcement that he won’t be seeking reelection to the House, Washington will be left without a Kennedy in office for the first time in 60 years. To determine who will take the Representative’s place, a sword has been plunged into a massive stone and whosoever can remove it shall be the head of the next dynasty to guide our nation.
Last night Alec Baldwin was rushed to the hospital after his daughter misunderstood something he said in an argument. Sounds like the kind of misunderstanding that only a rude, thoughtless little pig would make.
Breaking NewsJoke:
In an unprecidented move, Mayor Bloomburg just announced that NYC schools will be closed tomorrow due to expected snow storms. He then went on to cancel school for February 4th, 2013, award Best Picture to “Avatar” and predict the rise and eventual enslavement of man by apes.
Under the wire, yo:
An Alabama jury has awarded a former stripper $100,000 in a lawsuit in which she claimed the club that employed her failed to stop her from driving home after her on-the-job drinking. The money will be rained upon her and awarded in singles.
